Top Ten Reasons to get up in the morning

1. Bedsores.
(When you hang around in one place for too long it starts hurtin’).
2. You’re needed.
(And you won’t know how or why unless you start the ball rolling).
3. You have much to offer.
(No matter how bad things are. Some of us are gurus; some of us are cautionary tales. We all give in one way or another).
4. Today’s the day.
(This is always true).
5. It saves energy.
(True. It takes less energy to jump out of bed than it does to lie there thinking about the reasons you shouldn’t).
6. You’re loved.
(I don’t know. That’s for you to figure out.)
7. Your dog needs to pee.
(So you don’t have a dog. Who else is counting on you to show up?)
8. Life is short.
(I believe yours is shorter than mine. But then, who doesn’t?)
9. There is much to learn.
(We’re waiting for you , Teach).
10. One day Death will come.
(He should find you busy. Make him wait.)

Top Ten Hints to Finding Reality

Top Ten Hints to Finding Reality

1. It’s way bigger than a breadbox and it’s in your visual field not between your ears.
2. It presents no problems only opportunities for action.
3. It has what you need when you need it.
4. It doesn’t require anything of you except your presence.
5. You can’t lose it.
6. You can’t fight it.
7. Everybody’s got one.
8. It’s never right or wrong.
9. It supports you whether you like it or not.




10. It’s right there under your nose!

Women Make Passes at Guys Who are Asses

This is it. The deep, dark secret that all women deny. We don’t want nice men.

We won’t tolerate them unless they’re related to us by blood or interviewing us for a job. Sure, they can buy us dinner every once in a while. But we don’t want to date them, sleep with them, or marry them. We say we do. We bemoan the fact to anyone who’ll listen that there are no “good guys” out there; that all men are animals, slobs or inconsiderate jerks. We say we’d take ten years off our lives to find a decent, kind honorable man.

We’re lying.

Why? Because we don’t like to admit that we willingly take shit in the name of love. It’s embarrassing and demeaning. We wonder what it says about our self-esteem that we stick with a guy who treats us badly. What would our mothers think?
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Ask the Coach: Vending Machine Model of Relationships

Question: My husband I fight all the time. I try to avoid them but he really knows how to push my buttons. He keeps picking fights with me and I try not to fall for it. But he really knows how to push my hot buttons. Any suggestions?

Answer: Here’s the vending machine theory of relationships.

Think of yourself as a Coke machine. Your husband puts a dollar in and a can of Coke rolls out. As long as he wants Coke he’ll always come to you because you deliver. Next time if he puts a dollar in and a bag of Skittles falls out he may find he needs to go elsewhere for his soft drinks.

If he can reliably pick a fight with you each time and you are coming through like a champ – where’s the incentive for him to stop?. This is more fun for him than back to back re-runs of “Cops”. Break the habit once or twice and he’ll lose interest in this game. Next time he picks on you smile sweetly and ask him what he’d like for dinner because you’re just running out to the store and you’d like to get him something special.

Ask the Coach:To Move or Not to Move

Question: My boyfriend lives in Florida and is pushing me to move there. I’ve visited him and I hate where he lives. He can’t move because of work. I’m not happy without him but I don’t think I’d be happy in Florida. Do you think this one relationship can outweigh all the other drawbacks of uprooting myself and moving half way cross the country to a place I hate? I can’t seem to move one way or the other and I’ve been trying to make this decision for 5 months now.

Answer: Then don’t make this decision. Make another one. Chunk the situation down until you find a decision level you can live with. Can you make a decision to sublet your apartment and move there for a 90 day trial period? Can you make a decision to move there for a month? Can you make a decision to make a decision?

You’re hiding out in your indecision which has now become your comfort zone. The longer you hang out in your head and stay away from any kind of action the more difficult it will be for you to do anything. Take a shot. Nothing’s written in stone. You can always come back. Decision is not only the ending of something but the beginning of something else. Focus on the positive side of acting.

Run to the edge of a cliff and stop on a dime.

This is my one of my favorite Constructive Living maxims. It takes a little thinking about. It has that Zen-like obfuscation factor which can be irritating to some – but which I love.

It’s not a call to lemming-like suicide as you might think. Perhaps another C.L. maxim of a similar nature would shed some light. “Give and give until you say goodbye.” Or – as a man named Ecclesiastes once put it “To everything there is a season. And a time to every purpose under Heaven.” Meaning there is a time to run and a time to stop. When it’s appropriate to run you run flat out. When it’s appropriate to stop you stop.

I thought of this today as I was watching a Sunday morning political news show. By the time you read this ,we will either have a new President or a lot of fat cat lawyers will be very busy. I have strong opinions about whom I would like to be our next President. Whatever happens, however, I have let go of the outcome.
Letting go of an outcome is a tough concept for some people. They see it as not having faith in yourself; giving up; being negative. To admit that you may not get what you want may appear to be defeatist. In fact – nonattachment to the outcome of your actions is a strong peaceful position to take in the world. It all comes down to what is controllable and what is not.

My personal commitment to having my guy be the next President is within my control as are my actions which spring from that commitment. I can give money, time and effort. I can attempt to sway undecided voters and I can man the phones to get the vote out on November 4th. But the actual final national outcome of the election is not within my control.

So I give and give until it’s not appropriate to give anymore. I run until it would be unwise to continue running.

I see what Reality presents to me and I respond to it.

Four Easy Ways to De-Stress Your Holidays

We talk a lot about Holidays being stressful. But let’s think about this. It’s not every Holiday, is it? No matter how many wieners or burgers you grill; no matter how many tons of potato salad you make we don’t think about July 4th as being stress-inducing. Or Labor Day, Valentine’s Day or Memorial Day. So why is it that our expectations are that Thanksgiving, Christmas or Chanukah Holidays are inherently stressful?

The key lies in the word “expectations. The media, our own rose-tinted childhood memories and our deep-seated wishes for Hallmark Christmas set us up. We all want a magical time of warmth and togetherness with our loving and supportive family. Unfortunately the reality is often much different. Thanksgiving sets the tone when the whole motley crew you are sometimes mortified to call family congregates. Uncle Al won’t sit next to Auntie Jean because of a grudge forged when God was a boy. You’re presented with 14 different dietary requirements that nobody thought to tell you about sooner.
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5 Biggest Myths About Meditation

1. It’s relaxing.

This is a dangerous myth because people expect meditation to be like slipping into a hot tub. When they experience discomfort they think it’s not working or they’re not doing it right and they give up. In fact, it’s often not relaxing, at least not initially. In the beginning meditation is like exercise; if it doesn’t hurt you’re not doing it right. This puts off a lot of people right from the start.

They’ve taken the odd Yoga class where you lie on the floor, close your eyes and let your poor body rest. Everybody loves this. You’ve been moving for an hour, your limbs are stretched every which way and you relish the opportunity to let gravity take your muscles and let them drop.

Conventional sitting meditation may become like this over time but it probably won’t be right off the bat. When you sit down and face a wall or close your eyes and there’s nothing between you and the timer but your incessantly jabbering monkey mind it’s anything but relaxing. Horrifying and sobering are two more appropriate words that come to mind. Relaxing it ain’t.

2. You need time to meditate. Read more

The Last Taboo

I discovered the last taboo quite by accident. I call it the 78 year conversation. 78 because, last time I checked, that was the average life span.

I had gone to a Zen Center to learn meditation. The idea of sitting down everyday for a time in peace and stillness appealed to me. How hard could it be? I could be contemplative at times. I could sit by myself quite happily watching the sun go down. Especially if I had someone with me to share it with.

We were led into a small room and told to take off our shoes and sit on meditation cushions. Our instructor told us we were to close our eyes and breathe slowly and purposefully in and out. We should try to clear out minds of any thoughts. If a rogue thought did enter our mind we should acknowledge it but not attach ourselves to it. Read more

A Bodishattva Never Hesitates

He was in his sixties – out of shape, but not too out of shape that he couldn’t cradle a large, limp dog in his arms. I was coming off the dog beach near my house and he was just stepping on to it.

The dog’s head hung over one arm. There was a towel, in case of spills, underneath him.

“Bringing your baby to the beach?” I asked sympathetically.

“It’s his last day,” the man replied. Read more

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