STAY
February 19, 2009
Much traditional coaching concerns itself with setting and achieving goals, building self-confidence, making plans and decisions.
All of these are action steps. By definition, action steps take you away from where you are. Nothing wrong with this, except when the answer to a particular situation lies right where you are here and now. Which is usually the case.
An effective alternative to “movement” coaching is based on the TIbetan meditation “Stay”.
It takes courage and stamina to stay where you are when every nerve and instinct is telling you to move, change something, look outside yourself for an answer or in some way move away from discomfort.
Only by being with the dis-ease and only by allowing it to stay around long enough can you watch it fall away. When you have the experience of seeing that the discomfort is transient and not a permanent state; when you realize that it will subside by and of itself if you don’t distract yourself from it – it loses its power over you.
Sometimes the appropriate action to take is that of no-action. Sometimes the thing to do is nothing.
As Pema Chodron says “This perfect moment is the best teacher. And lucky for you it’s right here with you all the time.”
So how can you be coached to do nothing? Simple. Think of a metaphor of repetition. Whatever works for you.
Buddhists use the metaphor of dragging an ox along a path. The ox doesn’t want to go to market or to work. He wants to meander off into the sweet grasses and weeds at the side of the path. His owner keeps pulling him back onto the path over and over and over again.
It’s debatable whether the ox learns to stay on the path or whether he just tires himself out. or gives up.
It doesn’t matter. What is true is that the paradox of “Staying” can move you forward, doing nothing can produce possibility.
Don’t get attached to your work.
November 1, 2008
Buddhists speak of a Noble Truth – that life is suffering. Not necessarily physical suffering – like when you have a bad back – but the ordinary everyday suffering that comes with being human. Call it suffering or call it sadness, disease or discomfort. The fact of the matter is that we all die, we age, we divorce, we drift apart from those we love. Our teeth fall out, we get wiped out in the stock market. We don’t get what we want and it makes us sad. We do get what we want and it makes us sad.
This is not suffering. This is just pain. Suffering has a dimension beyond pain.
We label things as problems and react. When we identify problems in our lives and react to them, we generally create suffering.
Top Ten Hints to Finding Reality
October 28, 2008
Top Ten Hints to Finding Reality
- It’s way bigger than a breadbox and it’s in your visual field not between your ears.
- It presents no problems only opportunities for action.
- It has what you need when you need it.
- It doesn’t require anything of you except your presence.
- You can’t lose it.
- You can’t fight it.
- Everybody’s got one.
- It’s never right or wrong.
- It supports you whether you like it or not.
- It’s right there under your nose!
Run to the edge of a cliff and stop on a dime.
October 24, 2008
This is my one of my favorite Constructive Living maxims. It takes a little thinking about. It has that Zen-like obfuscation factor which can be irritating to some – but which I love.
It’s not a call to lemming-like suicide as you might think. Perhaps another C.L. maxim of a similar nature would shed some light. “Give and give until you say goodbye.” Or – as a man named Ecclesiastes once put it “To everything there is a season. And a time to every purpose under Heaven.” Meaning there is a time to run and a time to stop. When it’s appropriate to run you run flat out. When it’s appropriate to stop you stop.
I thought of this today as I was watching a Sunday morning political news show. By the time you read this ,we will either have a new President or a lot of fat cat lawyers will be very busy. I have strong opinions about whom I would like to be our next President. Whatever happens, however, I have let go of the outcome.
Letting go of an outcome is a tough concept for some people. They see it as not having faith in yourself; giving up; being negative. To admit that you may not get what you want may appear to be defeatist. In fact – nonattachment to the outcome of your actions is a strong peaceful position to take in the world. It all comes down to what is controllable and what is not.
My personal commitment to having my guy be the next President is within my control as are my actions which spring from that commitment. I can give money, time and effort. I can attempt to sway undecided voters and I can man the phones to get the vote out on November 4th. But the actual final national outcome of the election is not within my control.
So I give and give until it’s not appropriate to give anymore. I run until it would be unwise to continue running.
I see what Reality presents to me and I respond to it.
5 Biggest Myths About Meditation
October 14, 2008
1. It’s relaxing.
This is a dangerous myth because people expect meditation to be like slipping into a hot tub. When they experience discomfort they think it’s not working or they’re not doing it right and they give up. In fact, it’s often not relaxing, at least not initially. In the beginning meditation is like exercise; if it doesn’t hurt you’re not doing it right. This puts off a lot of people right from the start.
They’ve taken the odd Yoga class where you lie on the floor, close your eyes and let your poor body rest. Everybody loves this. You’ve been moving for an hour, your limbs are stretched every which way and you relish the opportunity to let gravity take your muscles and let them drop.
Conventional sitting meditation may become like this over time but it probably won’t be right off the bat. When you sit down and face a wall or close your eyes and there’s nothing between you and the timer but your incessantly jabbering monkey mind it’s anything but relaxing. Horrifying and sobering are two more appropriate words that come to mind. Relaxing it ain’t.
2. You need time to meditate. Read more
A Bodishattva Never Hesitates
October 14, 2008
He was in his sixties – out of shape, but not too out of shape that he couldn’t cradle a large, limp dog in his arms. I was coming off the dog beach near my house and he was just stepping on to it.
The dog’s head hung over one arm. There was a towel, in case of spills, underneath him.
“Bringing your baby to the beach?” I asked sympathetically.
“It’s his last day,” the man replied. Read more
Buddha In the Boardroom: Not Knowing is most Intimate
July 23, 2008
It’s a tough sell to try to convince a businessperson that he or she might be better off knowing less; an even tougher task to get them to try knowing nothing for an hour or two.
After all they got where they are by acquiring knowledge – knowledge of their industry, the politics, the corporate structure, who to listen to and who to mistrust. Without their knowledge they’re vulnerable. They’re on a foggy moor without any discernible landmarks or up a creek without a paddle – drifting wherever the current takes them.
myzendo.com
July 18, 2008
If you like to meditate at home or if you’d just like to have a more restful time for any activity you should check out myzendo.com
You can set a meditation block of any length, choose beginning and ending options of a singing bowl or traditional Zen wooden clappers, and the site even has a feature whereby you can save your preferences.
Beats a kitchen timer.
Zazen : Settling Down
July 18, 2008
There is a practice in Zen Buddhism known as zazen. It’s commonly misconstrued as a meditation but in fact it isn’t. True, if you came upon someone practicing zazen you’d either think they were meditating or they had a fondness for non-prescription medication.
Whereas meditation is about achieving some kind of a relaxed state and withdrawing temporarily from the world – zazen is about staying in the world. Zazen practitioners face a wall, keep their eyes open and basically just sit still and perfectly attentive for periods of time.
The trick is to stay in the world but not of the world. Hence the open eyes. An attempt is made to still the chattering ego mind – that internal, infernal conversation which goes on inside your head all day, every day!
