STAY
February 19, 2009
Much traditional coaching concerns itself with setting and achieving goals, building self-confidence, making plans and decisions.
All of these are action steps. By definition, action steps take you away from where you are. Nothing wrong with this, except when the answer to a particular situation lies right where you are here and now. Which is usually the case.
An effective alternative to “movement” coaching is based on the TIbetan meditation “Stay”.
It takes courage and stamina to stay where you are when every nerve and instinct is telling you to move, change something, look outside yourself for an answer or in some way move away from discomfort.
Only by being with the dis-ease and only by allowing it to stay around long enough can you watch it fall away. When you have the experience of seeing that the discomfort is transient and not a permanent state; when you realize that it will subside by and of itself if you don’t distract yourself from it – it loses its power over you.
Sometimes the appropriate action to take is that of no-action. Sometimes the thing to do is nothing.
As Pema Chodron says “This perfect moment is the best teacher. And lucky for you it’s right here with you all the time.”
So how can you be coached to do nothing? Simple. Think of a metaphor of repetition. Whatever works for you.
Buddhists use the metaphor of dragging an ox along a path. The ox doesn’t want to go to market or to work. He wants to meander off into the sweet grasses and weeds at the side of the path. His owner keeps pulling him back onto the path over and over and over again.
It’s debatable whether the ox learns to stay on the path or whether he just tires himself out. or gives up.
It doesn’t matter. What is true is that the paradox of “Staying” can move you forward, doing nothing can produce possibility.
Don’t get attached to your work.
November 1, 2008
Buddhists speak of a Noble Truth – that life is suffering. Not necessarily physical suffering – like when you have a bad back – but the ordinary everyday suffering that comes with being human. Call it suffering or call it sadness, disease or discomfort. The fact of the matter is that we all die, we age, we divorce, we drift apart from those we love. Our teeth fall out, we get wiped out in the stock market. We don’t get what we want and it makes us sad. We do get what we want and it makes us sad.
This is not suffering. This is just pain. Suffering has a dimension beyond pain.
We label things as problems and react. When we identify problems in our lives and react to them, we generally create suffering.
Top Ten Hints to Finding Reality
October 28, 2008
Top Ten Hints to Finding Reality
- It’s way bigger than a breadbox and it’s in your visual field not between your ears.
- It presents no problems only opportunities for action.
- It has what you need when you need it.
- It doesn’t require anything of you except your presence.
- You can’t lose it.
- You can’t fight it.
- Everybody’s got one.
- It’s never right or wrong.
- It supports you whether you like it or not.
- It’s right there under your nose!
Buddha In the Boardroom: Not Knowing is most Intimate
July 23, 2008
It’s a tough sell to try to convince a businessperson that he or she might be better off knowing less; an even tougher task to get them to try knowing nothing for an hour or two.
After all they got where they are by acquiring knowledge – knowledge of their industry, the politics, the corporate structure, who to listen to and who to mistrust. Without their knowledge they’re vulnerable. They’re on a foggy moor without any discernible landmarks or up a creek without a paddle – drifting wherever the current takes them.
Zazen : Settling Down
July 18, 2008
There is a practice in Zen Buddhism known as zazen. It’s commonly misconstrued as a meditation but in fact it isn’t. True, if you came upon someone practicing zazen you’d either think they were meditating or they had a fondness for non-prescription medication.
Whereas meditation is about achieving some kind of a relaxed state and withdrawing temporarily from the world – zazen is about staying in the world. Zazen practitioners face a wall, keep their eyes open and basically just sit still and perfectly attentive for periods of time.
The trick is to stay in the world but not of the world. Hence the open eyes. An attempt is made to still the chattering ego mind – that internal, infernal conversation which goes on inside your head all day, every day!
