It’s not a call to lemming-like suicide as you might think. Perhaps another C.L. maxim of a similar nature would shed some light. “Give and give until you say goodbye.” Or – as a man named Ecclesiastes once put it “To everything there is a season. And a time to every purpose under Heaven.” Meaning there is a time to run and a time to stop. When it’s appropriate to run you run flat out. When it’s appropriate to stop you stop.

I thought of this today as I was watching a Sunday morning political news show. By the time you read this ,we will either have a new President or a lot of fat cat lawyers will be very busy. I have strong opinions about whom I would like to be our next President. Whatever happens, however, I have let go of the outcome.
Letting go of an outcome is a tough concept for some people. They see it as not having faith in yourself; giving up; being negative. To admit that you may not get what you want may appear to be defeatist. In fact – nonattachment to the outcome of your actions is a strong peaceful position to take in the world. It all comes down to what is controllable and what is not.

My personal commitment to having my guy be the next President is within my control as are my actions which spring from that commitment. I can give money, time and effort. I can attempt to sway undecided voters and I can man the phones to get the vote out on November 4th. But the actual final national outcome of the election is not within my control.

So I give and give until it’s not appropriate to give anymore. I run until it would be unwise to continue running.

I see what Reality presents to me and I respond to it.

When I take a break and flop in front of the TV, I watch the third Hurricane in as many weeks bear down on Florida. When I try to call the airline to book my Christmas vacations, a cheerful voice tells me there is no-one to answer my call right now because of the extreme weather across most of this country.

It occurs to me that we’re paying attention to the weather. Or, more accurately, Mother Nature is commanding our attention whether we want to give it or not.

I’m reminded of a trip of the Western states I took years ago when I followed the river course of Lewis and Clark. They took on the amazingly brave project of finding a water route to the Pacific Ocean through uncharted, then-foreign territory. They took their guidance from the Indians and sailed for years on swollen rivers around mountains and plains where no white man had ever been. They rose when the sun rose and took to their beds when dusk fell – battling mosquitoes as big as small birds throughout the night. Illness and hunger were their frequent companions. Fear walked in step with them.

They paid attention to the weather.

In 1803 when they began their expedition it would have been unthinkable to have made any decision on their journey without considering what nature would bring that day. A wrong move could have exposed them to great danger or even death and could’ve meant the abandonment of their trip – ten years in the planning.

Today, we’re pretty much cocooned inside our aggressively air-conditioned or heated automobiles, homes and offices. When we venture outside we wear space-industry fabrics which conserve our body heat or wick moisture away from our skin. We don’t even need to go outside. From our computer we can make a living, socialize and keep in touch with our extended family all from one room.

It’s easy to forget that we survive with the grace of, and at the mercy of, a natural world which has its own laws.

So every so often when we are stopped in our tracks by nature and we become aware of the all-encompassing reality which contains our all-important man-made world our perspective shifts.

We become aware of the dualities of our lives. Controllable or uncontrollable. Important or unimportant. Man-made or natural. And as always reality guides us just as surely as it guided that brave party from the Missouri to the Pacific Ocean.

In the main, they get it. Sometimes, though, when I get to the part about doing what you need to do when you need to do it, my listeners eyes glaze over and I know I’ve lost them. I get the response that it doesn’t seem like much “fun” to find your purpose and do what you need to do. In fact, it sounds rather Calvinistic. It sounds like trudging uphill in the rain with your head down – oblivious to your surroundings.

“Where’s the joy?”, someone asked once. “What about fun and having a good time?”.
I never really knew how to respond except to assure my listener that I do have a lot of fun and joy in life and I enjoy getting my purpose accomplished.

Sometimes, I tell them about my mother’s garden.

It was in the North of England where I grew up. It probably wasn’t particularly beautiful by objective standards but it was Heaven to me. As soon as the temperature climbed out of the fifties I’d rush out into the brief English summer and throw a bedspread on the grass.

We were on the Coast so the clouds were always fast-moving and fantastically shaped. I would lie on my back looking up at them and daydreaming. If we were lucky, and our timing was right, we could sometimes get a tan as long as we were mindful about turning over frequently. A big mistake in an English Summer was to tan on one side and assume you’d do the other side the next day. Invariably that would be the last sunny day for months and your skin would be striped red, brown and white like a Neapolitan ice cream. Always, too, in the Summer there was the inevitable litter of puppies rolling around from whichever mutt we had at the time.

As a single parent, my mother worked most of the time. When she did, I was a latchkey kid. When she was between jobs I loved spending time with her in the garden. She may have missed cleaning the house some days but she never neglected her garden. She daren’t. We needed the vegetables.

She had planted strawberries, blackcurrants, gooseberries and rhubarb. Our vegetables were potatoes, of course, cabbages, lettuce, carrots and all the root veggies you needed to get through a long winter. We had flowers, too. There were hydrangea, her prized roses and a wild, flowering lilac tree. But it was the vegetables we prized most.

I loved the Summers when we were home together. As the baby of the family I spent much of my time with her. While my brother and sister were off doing whatever teenagers did in the North of England in the sixties my mother and I would traipse out to the garden in the morning and stay there till nightfall.

Because we were so far North it was light until 10 “o” clock at night. The evening light had a thin, clear quality to it. Each evening the stars came out while the sky was still light. I couldn’t have guessed that I would one day live in a part of the world where this wouldn’t happen.

We always had an old transister radio with us. We worked, for the most part, in harmony and silence. We listened to the BBC all day long. Each afternoon there was an original one hour play, then serializations of classics such as Great Expectations or Les Miserables which left you hanging from day to day. There was Woman’s Hour, endless quiz and comedy shows and, of course, The Archers “ – an everyday story of country folk.”

We would weed our way down the rows of cabbages, aerating as we went. The soil was rich and dark and it never would have occurred to us to fertilize it. Looking back I wonder what we did out there all day. There couldn’t have been that much yard work to do – but somehow we made it last until well into the evening. Sometimes we’d pull some rhubarb and my mother would take it into the house and simmer it with a little honey and cinnamon until it was a fragrant puree and we’d eat it warm with ice cream.

Last week I was sick. I itend to look at illness as a character defect, best to be ignored, but this time I was completely without energy. My body was taking no nonsense and was admonishing me that it couldn’t clean my house; make my writing deadlines AND get rid of the virus. I decided to take to my bed for an entire day and give it time to do its thing. It rained the whole day – the tail end of a monsoon-like system peculiar to California. Ordinarily, I have a great view of snow-capped mountains. But this day I could barely see to the end of my garden which was misty and grey all day. The air deadened sound ,contributing to my feeling of being cocooned.

Too tired even to read, I turned up the heat and brought my laptop to bed. These days you can stream BBC radio live over the internet. And I did. I burrowed down as far as I could and drifted in and out of sleep as the radio played. I listened to a play about a woman Victorian private detective and discovered a new satirical radio blog. There were also quizzes and comedy shows from my childhood played in that curiously British vaudeville style. I dozed and listened as memories of my childhood summers washed over me. I could almost smell the lilacs.

The next day was dry and clear. Bored with lying in bed all day I was grateful for action. The rest had done me good. It occurred to me that I had been sensible and had done exactly what I needed to do. My purpose had been to rest to heal myself. I’d accomplished that. It also occurred to me that the radio had been pure pleasure which I had layered on top of my purpose.

I realized, then, that the discovery and implementation of purpose was not just an end to itself but also a foundation on which I could add actions and feelings and, yes, fun which could enrich my own life and nurture others. It was the opposite of my efforts to peel away the additional, man-made suffering from the inevitable suffering of everyday life. Imagine driving a car for so many years in reverse only to find that you have a forward gear, too! What a world of opportunity opens up.

My mother loved her garden and cultivated it because that’s what she had to do. We needed the vegetables. She grew them. She had to. She didn’t have to patiently show her little girl how to prune an unruly rose-brush, nor how to pick the delicate wild strawberries without crushing them. These tasks she lovingly undertook to bond us to each other and to provide me with memories enough for a lifetime – certainly enough for one long and rainy day in California.

• Initiate action

• Manage change

• Make clearer decisions

• Reduce stress and anxiety

It is very different from conventional therapeutic Life Coaching, which may offer support and expert guidance in various life situations.

Constructive Living takes the contrarian viewpoint that it is a useless endeavor to go back over the past to understand ourselves, “work” with feelings, or “fix” ourselves by building self-esteem, boosting self-confidence and the like.

Because it is more of a lifestyle re-educational process, it provides for a complete shift of perspective and provides an easy methodology for dropping old, useless habits, belief systems and non-productive behaviors.

In many cases, it also has the power to reduce stress, help quiet the internal, chattering dialogue and still our anxieties.

Despite the proven and beneficial psychological effects the Constructive Living lifestyle provides, it is completely behaviorally oriented and rooted in common sense.

It will easily and immediately :

• Get you out of your head and into action

• Fuel your Creative Spirit and sharpen your vision

• Release you from the tyranny of your own feelings

• Show you how to eliminate negative internal chatter which you may be using to hold yourself back

• Free you to respond spontaneously and confidently to whatever arises

For a more comprehensive summary of Constructive Living, I encourage you to click on the hover pop-up on this site for an absolutely free e-book.

“Seven Simple Principles of Constructive Living”

If your computer blocks pop-ups or if you miss it, please e-mail me and I will be happy to send you a complimentary copy.

If, after reading it, you have any questions or need further information please contact me through this site.