STAY

Much traditional coaching concerns itself with setting and achieving goals, building self-confidence, making plans and decisions.

All of these are action steps.  By definition, action steps take you away from where you are.  Nothing wrong with this, except when the answer to a particular situation lies right where you are here and now.  Which is usually the case.

An effective alternative to  “movement” coaching is based on the TIbetan meditation “Stay”.

It takes courage and stamina to stay where you are when every nerve and instinct is telling you to move, change something, look outside yourself for an answer or in some way move away from discomfort.

Only by being with the dis-ease and  only by allowing it to stay around long enough can you watch it fall away.  When you have the experience of seeing that the discomfort is transient and not a permanent state; when you realize that it will subside by and of itself if you don’t distract yourself from it  – it loses its power over you.

Sometimes the appropriate action to take is that of no-action. Sometimes the thing to do is nothing.

As Pema Chodron says “This perfect moment is the best teacher.  And lucky for you it’s right here with you all the time.”

So how can you be coached to do nothing?  Simple. Think of a metaphor of repetition.  Whatever works for you.

Buddhists use the metaphor of dragging an ox along a path.  The ox doesn’t want to go to market or to work.  He wants to meander off into the sweet grasses and weeds at the side of the path.  His owner keeps pulling him back onto the path over and over and over again.

It’s debatable whether the ox learns to stay on the path or whether he just tires himself out. or gives up.

It doesn’t matter.  What is true is that the paradox of “Staying” can move you forward, doing nothing can produce  possibility.

5 Biggest Myths About Meditation

1. It’s relaxing.

This is a dangerous myth because people expect meditation to be like slipping into a hot tub. When they experience discomfort they think it’s not working or they’re not doing it right and they give up. In fact, it’s often not relaxing, at least not initially. In the beginning meditation is like exercise; if it doesn’t hurt you’re not doing it right. This puts off a lot of people right from the start.

They’ve taken the odd Yoga class where you lie on the floor, close your eyes and let your poor body rest. Everybody loves this. You’ve been moving for an hour, your limbs are stretched every which way and you relish the opportunity to let gravity take your muscles and let them drop.

Conventional sitting meditation may become like this over time but it probably won’t be right off the bat. When you sit down and face a wall or close your eyes and there’s nothing between you and the timer but your incessantly jabbering monkey mind it’s anything but relaxing. Horrifying and sobering are two more appropriate words that come to mind. Relaxing it ain’t.

2. You need time to meditate. Read more

The Last Taboo

I discovered the last taboo quite by accident. I call it the 78 year conversation. 78 because, last time I checked, that was the average life span.

I had gone to a Zen Center to learn meditation. The idea of sitting down everyday for a time in peace and stillness appealed to me. How hard could it be? I could be contemplative at times. I could sit by myself quite happily watching the sun go down. Especially if I had someone with me to share it with.

We were led into a small room and told to take off our shoes and sit on meditation cushions. Our instructor told us we were to close our eyes and breathe slowly and purposefully in and out. We should try to clear out minds of any thoughts. If a rogue thought did enter our mind we should acknowledge it but not attach ourselves to it. Read more

myzendo.com

If you like to meditate at home or if you’d just like to have a more restful time for any activity you should check out myzendo.com

You can set a meditation block of any length, choose beginning and ending options of a singing bowl or traditional Zen wooden clappers, and the site even has a feature whereby you can save your preferences.

Beats a kitchen timer. 

Zazen : Settling Down

There is a practice in Zen Buddhism known as zazen. It’s commonly misconstrued as a meditation but in fact it isn’t. True, if you came upon someone practicing zazen you’d either think they were meditating or they had a fondness for non-prescription medication.

Whereas meditation is about achieving some kind of a relaxed state and withdrawing temporarily from the world – zazen is about staying in the world. Zazen practitioners face a wall, keep their eyes open and basically just sit still and perfectly attentive for periods of time.

The trick is to stay in the world but not of the world. Hence the open eyes. An attempt is made to still the chattering ego mind – that internal, infernal conversation which goes on inside your head all day, every day!

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